Holding the Space

Good morning, afternoon or evening wherever you are in the world when reading these words.

Have you ever heard anyone referencing Holding the Space, and what might that even mean to you?

What is it all about and what are possible applications?

I have learned about this principle at its significance through participation in (and facilitation of) safe and powerful Men’s group sessions.

The principle applies to all situations where we are in the presence of others, in particular one on one settings.

It is quite the opposite of what most of us are trained to consider conversation and interactions, pause and think about what I might mean here...

The most challenging part of Holding the Space for another person is to stop and pause our own critical brain and automatic response mechanism.

It is almost the exact opposite of a debate or an argument, our role is to grant the other person the privilege and safety to speak truthfully about what is on their minds.

No Response (apart from any clarifying questions), no fixing, no solutions, no judgement.

Just Holding the Space for another person, and truly Hear and See them. Listen.

What makes this hard for most of us the first time we try this, is managing our automatic urge to help, challenge or even claim that what the other person is expressing is plainly not real or incorrect (according to me/us)

What is this all about you might wonder?

Well, to me the lack of Holding the Space for each other is the true source of most interpersonal conflict and suffering in al of humanity.

The saying ‘‘ Be Right or Have a Relationship’’ is highly relevant here!

Truly listening in this way is maybe the most powerful way to demonstrate respect and acceptance of others, paving the road for a better life and more effective communications with those around us.

When having practiced this way of non-judgmental listening, we start to notice that what is going on is that we are getting an insight into another human beings experience of reality.

We will all have our opinions about Reality is for us, however we start to learn to respect that each person have their very personal and specific experience of Reality.

I invite you to consider that another persons Reality can never be deemed Wrong!

It is even important to acknowledge and validate that what we are hearing and seeing is their reality, how they describe it and experience it.

This is called the Perception of Reality - it is Real.

Engaging with the other person after having Held their Space, we ask them to return the favor.

Now we have both experienced being seen and heard, no judgement!

When this process have been done well and we feel open to it, we MIGHT ask for consent by the other person to offer Our Perspectives to what we have heard.

This implies the acknowledgement that we are only offering OUR perception or Reality, not claiming to hold the only correct Reality that exists (The Truth)

Reaching this point, the interaction and communication will be totally different to what is common.

We are listening to learn, we are not listening to respond (think politicians or maybe a tennis match)

Have you got your experience of Holding the Space?

What did you learn that would otherwise have been missed?