Investing in the essential relationship

Investing in Essential Relationship

Winter silence at North West Bay on a Sunday morning.

Todays image is taken during a recent planned and prepared Date with my wife and business partner Anna.

I would like to share an experience I am living into with great gratitude and respect.

A deliberate and prioritized sequence of facilitated dates using the principles of John Gottman’s book ‘Eight Dates - Essential Conversations for a lifetime’.

It all started by a dear friend sharing that he and his wife had decided to give the book and its proposals a go as something to do together.

I never followed up with him on where this went for them, so I can only talk about how I and we have experienced this journey together.

I invited Anna to join me in this process and made a commitment to take on the mental and practical load of planning and organizing the dates, as I have to admit that this is typically something I am more than happy to let Anna take care of..!

I also decided to use this opportunity to learn more about ways in which to engage with AI to play around with creative inputs and proposals to a range of practical considerations, using our local environment in southern Tasmania, our ages and interests, our professional skills and experience basis etc etc.

Framing up the well known book and its principles, I have been truly enjoying the process of creating dates with well flowing and rich conversations creating stronger connection and essential learnings about each other as the dates passes by.

We have now actually completed a sequence of (eight) dates and there were no debate needed when it came to the proposal of continuing the dates moving forward.

Reflecting with Anna about what these dedicated pockets of time together has yielded, it became very clear to both of us that it has been some of the best investments we have ever made during our relationship.

Each date is set well in advance, and the time and place is locked into our diaries and calendars,

We have typically a theme and a few prompts to consider in preparation for our date.

The location and environment is always chosen to provide an ambience and space (including undisturbed) fitting to the theme.

We try to DO something together, which in some cases means that we drive to a special destination where we enjoy and meal or and experience like walking in nature.

Then we sit down and follow a proposed well facilitated set of statements or questions to explore together.

Here the point is to practice holding the space for the other when they are sharing or reflecting, no interrupting or judgement, no fixing - just being present and deeply listening.

This is not an insignificant investment in time and energy, not so much money but more about applying mental and physical focus and mutual attention to each other.

We are learning about our individual and collective needs, wants and dreams.

We are generating ever stronger capacity to communicate and align with each other, also when we disagree or identify blockages.

Love, Connection and Gratitude are aspects of our relationship that are growing as result of this investment and dedication, not taking each other for granted like we had started to do before deciding to go down this path together.

I would even suggest that any proposal to end this practice would not be accepted by either of us at this stage.

This is now a key part of what we do and who we are for each other!

I would love to hear about your relationship building and maintenance methods. We have so much to learn from each other!